| North Carolina, the cheese under my nutsack |
[29 Dec 2008|04:38pm] |
North Carolina. That bastion of culture and sophistication. North Carolina. That mecca of the progressive and edgy. North Carolina. Last refuge of inclusion and reformative thought.
In the suburbs, however, it's a shockingly different story. Strangely, I look around as I tour the gated community my family lives in and can't help but assume that the elitist, racist, sexist, oblivious atmosphere here is simply an irregular blip on the social radar, which no doubt contains nothing but recycling bins, alternative theaterand tolerance all over the rest of the state.
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| Geek poetry |
[29 Dec 2008|10:02am] |
At the bottom of XKCD, where I never noticed it, in like 4pt font:
"We did not invent the algorithm. The algorithm consistently finds Jesus. The algorithm killed Jeeves.
The algorithm is banned in China. The algorithm is from Jersey. The algorithm constantly finds Jesus.
This is not the algorithm. This is close."
Love. Love love love. I only noticed it because I'm on my cousin's Oh-Gawds-Please-Put-Me-Out-Of-My-Misery-He's-Using-Internet Explorer-for-the-love-of-all-that's-holy compunter (That was a typo originally but I think it works quite well. Well done, fingers and subconscious.) which can't seem to get it's RAM around the idea of displaying the images on the site. So I was staring at the page dispiritedly, hoping that if I refreshed for the umpeenth time it'd obey THIS time, when I saw that little bit of business. I'm probably the very last person on the Marble to find it, but it still made me smile. Thus, I post it.
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| Save me from the Flame |
[19 Dec 2008|08:47am] |
In case you weren't entirely positive, and I mean not just "pretty sure", but solidly fucking cemented in your certainty that our culture has disintegrated entirely, I present you with this: http://www.firemeetsdesire.com/ ;
That's right. Burger King. Has created. Their own perfume. It's yours for $3.99. From their site, on America's dysfunctional relationship with the Whopper: "Flame by BK captures the essence of that love and gives it to you." I'm just sure it does. Without lube.
"But Jake, why does this disturb you so?". I'm so glad you asked. Do I begin by discussing the disgusting wasteful dissonance inherent in a major corporation spending the good money you paid for your heart disease on creating a gag stocking stuffer rather than on righting the world's wrongs, like hunger for instance? No. How about the fact that this is probably not in fact going to go down as a gag, but as an honest-to-gawdshelpme product that people will just eat up (if you'll forgive me)? Nah.
I'd like to focus instead, if I may, on the fact that disturbs me most: I FUCKING LOVE THIS IDEA. There's a ridiculous amount of sweet, dessert-based fragrances out there, even as I sit here I'm catching a whiff of Yona's vanilla concoction (or that could be her recent baking seizure, but nevertheless). Tragically though, the savory side of food has never really entered into popular culture's idea of what's an appropriately sexy smell. Now, I know that some sauteed mushrooms and garlic frying up nicely makes ME hard in an instant, but this is not the case for most of my mammalian sibs, I know. Which has always confused me. Seriously, the smell of frying bacon doesn't get you just a little taut in the nethers? Honestly? It can't just be my own personal fetish linking food and sex, can it? I mean, eating and fucking, these are the two quintessential primary objective BIGGIES written into our DNA for the love of pork, second only to BREATHING, why WOULDN'T they be intertwined? Air and food and cocks and things go into your howling screamer every day, if you're lucky, and olfaction is so intimately tied to the tongue I am baffled that we're so limited on what smells we accept as crank-winding. I don't get inspired to poke my cock into things when in the presence of a fistful of flowers Calvin, so please pump the brakes (With apologies to all those into petal play. I know you're out there.).
But more than anything else, I'm just really pissed off that Burger King thought of it first.
Someone tell me there's a major-release savory scent out there, please?? Tell me Burger King didn't suddenly become cutting edge...
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| Insanity |
[06 Dec 2008|06:25am] |
/update
1) Got told this week in a spurt of layoffs at work (The economy sucks donkey balls, this has been a public service announcement, film at 11) that they'd have to cut my hours at work, thus leaving me with one day free a week. This was causing me much apoplectic fits at first, but in the end seemed like a nice way to give my arse a kick into getting that teaching gig. Now I'm kinda excited.
2) Then the ED, in a fit of fear that I'd just up and leave (a possibility, if I'm offered a 40hr job) pulls me into her office and says, "um, Jake, srsly, please don't leave, k? Instead of dropping a whole day, we could drop your salary by just 5%... could you stay for that?" She's trying to be ameliorating. I already make very little as far as typical NP payscales go, but since I'm on the edge of my tax bracket, that could possibly drop me to the next tier down and end up allowing me to TAKE HOME MORE per paycheck... strange, but true.
3) Promptly got a call from a headhunter not a day after I reactivated my monster resume and not half an hour before the above meeting from somebody looking for a part time PMHNP at Luke-Dorf. Interview next week. Hmmmm.
4) I got pulled into an interesting chat with my next door office neighbor, who, it turns out, is in this long term quad poly relationship... and when I say long term, I mean 18 years long term. !!!!! She's been in studies about it. That's awesome. We chatted about poly politics and pitfalls and the dangers of dating outside the inner circle as horrid shenanigans can ensue if there ends up being imbalance anywhere. (Considering I was always the one in the pack who really wasn't looking to date at all and was perfectly happy just settling back and watching the chickens have extracurricular fun, I was amused to find myself explaining that I was the only one dating at the moment. Or... whatever it is I'm currently up to with Dragon. Is that... irony?
5) The whatever it is is going incredibly well. The chickens have no end of fun bouncing around the place gleefully teasing me whenever I get any text messages, which they assume are ALWAYS from Dragon (and admittedly many of them are), "It's your boyfriend! It's your boyfriend! Tell him hi for me!" This is due to the fact that I had a drop of trouble with the terminology at first, but have since shrugged and given up attempting to classify or label the relationship. I'm enjoying it immensely, that's all I know. Plus watching Yona develop her own groove with him has been lovely to watch. I just knew they'd get along like a house on fire.
6) Chickens are stretched thin and and exhausted from all the environmental stressors of the day, but things are going well, all things considered. I'm enjoying developing a new closeness with the boy as he learns to express himself, and Yona's been a trooper despite her recent back/neck flare up. She's also been incredibly supportive while I've been waiting for the wellbutrin to kick in. Neurochemistry for the win!
/endupdate
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[06 Dec 2008|06:20am] |
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Wellbutrin kicks arse. That is all.
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| Fjord. Or, Why I'm in a Fucked Up Mood (WARNING: whining below) |
[11 Oct 2008|12:03am] |
(Ok, nearly made this private, but what the hell. Apologies for stream of consciousness. Self indulgent lugubriousness system engaged.)
Miss dad (for obvious reasons). Miss my friend (for not so obvious reasons). Miss my girl and boy (for quite different reasons as they're safe asleep behind me but still). Y'know those valley rivers all boxed in by steep slopes? They meander around for miles like they're looking for something they just put down a minute ago and can't for the life of them find now? Yeah. His birthday's coming up again in a few weeks. 4 years now. 4 years. And I still feel like I just missed seeing him clump down the hall. I just closed my eyes and my whole world disappeared. I spent the evening listening to my friend talk about ghosts. It wasn't about my ghosts, but it was still a lot harder than I expected not to snarl imprecations at the sky.
"I'll call. I hate the Fall."
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| F*ckity f*cking f*ck |
[30 Sep 2008|11:55am] |
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Sperm waylaid permanently in Indianapolis. Won't be here till tomorrow, at which point they'll most likely be fried, and Yona's window will have closed anyway. Drat. Blast. I get ice cream for this. *petting therapeutic kittehs furiously*
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| Sick day follies |
[30 Sep 2008|11:29am] |
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So I have a touch of the ague, and am therefore bedbound for the day. This was serendipity anyhow, as it's the last day of our insemination using our out of town "Juice Maker", T. First run went well, fedex delivered on time, it was all gravy. Um, or sperm, whatever. So here's run #2, and it's guaranteed by 10:30. At 10:35 I called. "Oh I'm sorry, it seems to have been stuck in Indianapolis." "Oh, crud." And then the inevitable happened. "Let's see what we can do... what's in the package, please?" "Um...*mumble*" "I'm sorry?" "Um...what's in the package, is what you want to know?" "Er, yes please." "Um... time sensitive biological material?" This seemed to suffice. I wonder how often they get this kind of thing. She didn't blink an eye. What's in Indianapolis that my sperm would want to visit anyhow?
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| Babies |
[28 Sep 2008|02:59pm] |
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One of our friends finally got pregnant after years of trying, and it looks like it's a keeper... the first in our little group. My girl is just heartsick about it, as she's happy for them, but pissed as hell for not being peegee herself yet. Fertility sucks. And no amount of snuggles can make that better, sadly.
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| Weird |
[27 Sep 2008|04:58pm] |
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I'm sick. It's my manly time of the month. Boy's working. Girl's shopping. Want to sit on couch with ice cream. Want to hang out and snuggle on couch with ice cream. But I would infect whomever braved such a thing. Also there is much cleaning to do. And then more cleaning after that. And laundry. Snivel.
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| Get down with the sickness |
[26 Sep 2008|07:08am] |
After a long period of non-illness, which is still kinda mystifying for me, I got my obligatory annual sniffle. So far, thanks to magic Chinese soup, it's not bronchitis, ishta! So my fancy-schmancy Western medicine training fails me in favor of a mixture of my grandma's Yiddish soup-cure and an Eastern herbal health philosophy. Nice.
My girl is going to be chock-a-block fulla refrigerated super sperm in a matter of hours. Holy Italian desserts. Our new donor is apparently superman, he can impregnate tall women in a single donation! Yay sweet gay boy menches! Boo geographical differences. But we overcome, or rather, overnight! Thank you fedex, don't look too closely.
Speaking of, I made a new buddy and that's fun, I do it so infrequently! Ok so I know I've been a social introvert for a little while, like, the last 4 years or so, which is unusual for me but not unusual for full time students apparently. All of a sudden I'm joining trivia teams (whoa I'm bad at it) and geek squads who like the same sci-fi-type stuff I do (whoa I'm good at it)! And so that's all made of good.
My boy is back in school, which is not made of as much good, as I see him five minutes a day sometimes. I don't miss that part of being in school. He came home last night after a full day of school followed by a full shift at Schuck's, and fell into my lap and whimpered till he felt better. This took a few minutes. My girl and I petted him and I tried not to cough on him and that made things better. Then he passed out. I'm proud of him.
I get to see a lovely friend from SF tomorrow who's coming to visit and snuggle, and I will try not to cough on her either.
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| Ani sucks. Babies suck. Ani's baby sucks. |
[25 Aug 2008|09:29pm] |
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So I'm wandering around on YouTube in a vain attempt to sublimate and I see a video of Ani remixing her old song Both Hands. Beautifully done, a bit more zip, and the video ends up being a bit of a tribute to her baby. And I'm watching her hold her funny looking baby and sing to it, and it's a warm fuzzy moment etc etc, and I realize, quite suddenly, that I'm just leaking like hell, I mean I've got tears soaking my pajamas. And all in one thick moment the frustration and anger and schizophrenia of the fertility struggle of the last few years hits me like a bar of soap in a sock. I think I try to be a big brick most of the time for Yona, because when high emotion is around it's my training and nature to automatically become the calm quiet center of the universe. Yona asks me to share this kind of thing with her, she asserts it helps her feel less alone in these feelings, but it's just not in my programming. I try though. So that's why Ani's gorgeous baby sucks. Cuz I don't got one.
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| Weird |
[25 Aug 2008|07:31pm] |
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So I'm pretty linguistic, (I know, this shocks nobody) and that's always suited me just fine. It's why I got into my present field, I get to sit and talk to people all day long, it's like a dream job. Here's the weirdness: I find that now that I do my job full time, (how awesome is that, I ask you?) and I sit and talk to people fully 40 hours per week, I feel I'm getting quieter. I realize that really, I'm not the one doing the talking and generally I just listen and interject questions, so you'd think this wouldn't translate into a general deverbalization but it has. (And yes, I just made that word up and liked it. Bugger off.) I actually really need quiet time now. This is astounding. I never really needed quiet or alone time in my life, but living with my girl and my boy, living the most contented life I could possibly imagine, has resulted in a lessening urgency to talk. I babble a lot, about nothing at all, always have, but these days not so much. I actually like the idea of going off and taking a quiet walk alone. This weekend my two little chickens went on a camping trip which I have opted out of. Usually I'd be a wreck or would simply have joined them and hated it (I have come to accept the unvarnished truth that I'm simply not a nature boy. Bad Oregonian, no pup tent.) but not this time. True, the bed was huge and imposing and chilly and awful last night and will be again tonight but otherwise it hasn't been as bad as I thought it would. Plus I get to pee indoors. Bonus.
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| I love tech |
[01 Apr 2008|12:59pm] |
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By the way, I'm posting right now from my CPR instructor's course at the Red Cross via my pocket PC. How rad is that, I ask you?
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| a quick thought this sunday.... |
[03 Feb 2008|09:15am] |
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...Giants are gonna take it. And before they do, we will be inseminating using fresh supply from our known donor for the 4th time. "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming swimming swimming, what do we do? We SWIM!"
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| Goooooin' to the chapel and we're.... |
[03 Feb 2008|08:59am] |
...gooooona be domestic partners!
It's official! At 8am on Monday, queers in Oregon will finally be given a few of the civil liberties all straight folks and some lucky tranny couples do! We will be able to go and get a Civil Union certificate which we file with the state at the courthouse for the same price as a marriage license. This enables us to file state taxes jointly (not federal though, yet), have medical power of attourney, rights of survivorship, easier second party adoption, and also makes us responsible for alimony and child support, which is awesome! We're so excited, it's about time. The right wing are trying to appeal the decision, but I don't imagine it'll do much good. I'm downloading the forms from the .gov as I type! Goin' to the courthouse of love!
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| Memories |
[25 Dec 2007|08:43am] |
So I was riffling through a lot of old shite as I was wrestling to the ground a particularly nasty set of drawers that was to be cleaned out and relocated. Mind you, the debris in these drawers hadn't been exposed to light or air for millenia, or at least 4 years. I found old toys, napkin poems, stuff from my dad, etc etc, and a little scribbled journal entry. I have no idea when I wrote it, probably not too long ago, maybe a year. It must have been just around Springtime. Here then, for posterity:
I've been growing increasingly uneasy as my graduation approaches. I will be given a scrip pad, a license, and the ability to give people labels that could stick to them for the rest of their lives. I thought I was just anxious about being able to find work in my field right away, and the sheer total sum of my borrowed school loans looms like, like, well, like a really freakin fat lump of money that I owe. But it's not that. Honestly I think the history of my field is catching up with me. I've been thinking about a conversation I had that went rather badly a while ago, several years now. The person had had some horrible experiences with the psych field in the past, mainly due to their parents trying to have them committed for being queer. This guy implied I might become an asshole as soon as I got my degree, which was strange, since I'd had no such feedback up till then, and we'd known each other for a good while. Hmm. Sudden arseholiness affliction? Ouch. Filled as I was with righteous indignation at being lumped in with those in my field who have and still do use their power for the dark side, as it were, and filled as HE was with righteous indignation about his feelings of justified mistrust and hatred of my field, we didn't address the problems inherent in the convo, not even to this day. Namely, "dude, you've known me for like, YEARS, am I likely to become a power mad nutball who goes to work for some private freaky psych ranch somewhere where they give ECT to kids to cure them of being queer?"
END TRANS
Of course, since I wrote the above, my unease has reduced quite a bit, but I still remember that feeling that followed the initial righteous indignation, "whoa, maybe I haven't gone to the dark side, but this guy is afraid of me because I COULD have... the intimation being that if I were an asshole, I could be, with very little outside interference. Not sure if that make sense anywhere outside of my head, but, it is a scary thought, really. Sometimes my field sucks.
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| sometimes... |
[22 Mar 2007|11:02pm] |
I am so very lucky. I have so much going well. And I find it strange that I'm struck by melancholy sometimes for no apparent reason. I become anxious and feel as if some great doom is imminently forthcoming. It's odd that this freefloating crud is so regularly occuring, even when things are lovely.
How do I describe using my pathetic grip on language the incredible commitment my girl made for me this last week? It was as beautiful as I hoped it would be. After seven years she's now mine forever. I could say that again and again all day long and never get tired of hearing it.
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| No more teachers, no more books...except for occasional CE creds... |
[06 Mar 2007|12:02pm] |
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I am almost done. Good gravy. Only a handful of weeks left, and I'm done. I just have to pass my state boards, and the state of oregon will officially assume I am competent to prescribe medications to children. Whoa. I feel like I'm getting away with something. Like I stole the fire and ran before the alarms went off. I'm starting my new yob this week. My new boss seems to be highly amiable, and wants to move me into a PMHNP position as soon as possible, which is amazing. I love the folks at Christie school thus far... it's odd... wedding in June, graduation ditto, kid hopefully not too long after, career appearing to also be immediately thereafter, and even a likely looking houseboi candidate who I'll be taking out for a test run at the end of the week... how, exactly, is one supposed to act when you get everything you've ever hoped for?
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| catching up |
[09 Jan 2007|12:22pm] |
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It's been a while since I was able to see cyanblue, and it's always a lovely, aerobic, shop-talk filled time. She's always a great deal of giggly fun. After we had a bit of a date, we all headed over to the queer trying to conceive group, which my girl is running with skill. I'm so proud of her. Our two week wait has been a lot easier this time. I realized that as I turn 30, I'm entering into my career at long last, we're working towards getting a child, we may just be getting an application for the houseboy I have been hoping to acquire but never thought existed, etc... I don't want to jinx it, but so much has been falling into place such as we'd hoped it would, I can't be too mad about clicking over my odometer's second digit. Off to take my antigerosome. heehee.
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